I’m on the slippery slope side of 60 years old. Yeah, I can’t believe it either. So, basically, I have been a part of this crazy beautiful planet for over half a century by a decade. How did that happen? No, wait…HOW DID THAT HAPPEN!!!???
There are way too many things on my proverbial bucket list that I still want to do. So many things that I have not accomplished. And projects sitting either in a closet, file, or staring me in the face in the corner of our dining room. Places yet to go, movies to see, books to read, and even books to write!
I only hope that I have the time and wherewithal to continue with these and other quests. I am quite looking forward to the future. And I won’t look back. I will not regret. Period.
In Googling the word ‘regret’ the very first line that comes up is a definition; “To feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity.” Damn, that’s harsh. The very word regret is harsh.
I refuse to dwell on “missed opportunities.” I refuse to feel sad. I refuse to regret.
Oh, sure I have screwed up a lot of things in my life. I have caused pain, and all kinds of hurt feelings I’m sure. To friends, coworkers, acquaintances. To my family, which is the hardest kind of regret to ignore. I have felt awful, terrible during those times. It’s as if I was hit below the belt, bent over, and knocked unconscious to the ground. But hopefully at those times I am the type of person that is able to stand back up, dust myself off, and who knows, even learn something about myself that is ugly and unjust. And rip that ugliness out. Gone.
And then, there are those embarrassing moments that can be regretted. Those awkward and almost funny times when I have said something really stupid or mean and didn’t even realize it until the words were out of my mouth. We all have those times. And yes, I regret them. But I don’t REGRET them in such a way that they keep popping up in my mind, haunting my thoughts, and causing me self-condemnation. That I don’t need. Gone.
The picture at the top of this post is of my Grandma Berry who I introduced in my very first blog entry for Donuts & Wine. At the time of the picture I believe her name was Pet Hood instead of Pet Berry as she had not yet married my grandfather (which is another story in itself). Pet was a very independent woman. She raised three children basically on her own during the depression. She was a character, curmudgeon, clown, and sage. She was gold.
In this picture Grandma is posed in front of a very old plane. I believe the picture was taken sometime in the early 1920’s. My grandma wasn’t a pilot. I don’t even know if she ever flew in a plane. At the time of the picture planes were a novelty, a futuristic forward-thinking contraption. Grandma always looked forward. That’s why I love this picture.
Grandma had to look forward. She had three reasons to do so. But even years later, after her children were long-grown and gone she was still progressive. She didn’t sit the world on fire but she gave her daughters, her grand-daughters, and her great-granddaughters those powerful character traits that made us want to always look forward. She always said “there’s a reason your eyes are in the front and on your head. Use your brain and always look forward, not behind.”
Regrets? Perhaps one of only a very few that I have would be that I didn’t get to know her better. I was about twenty years old myself when she died. But what I do know is she’s there and in my mind she did get on that plane, eyes forward, brain on alert. She flies along with her daughters and granddaughters. And we are not looking back.