Tag Archives: bucket list

My Bucket List Fell Over

bucket

I had a bucket list.  It was full of great stuff.  Like eating ice cream while I swam the English Channel.  Making an igloo in my backyard, which can only be accomplished during one of two of the really frozen tundra days we have here in the Midwest.  Memorizing the constitution.  Now, before it is changed.  Then, there is my favorite, sky gliding while eating ice cream (ice cream is in there a lot), and at the same time taking a selfie for my Facebook post. 

That leads me to how my bucket list fell over.  I was just getting to number 23 on my list, jogging through the Grand Canyon while eating ice cream, when I had an overwhelming thought.  Well, actually, a one-word thought.  STOP!  And then, following that word came this:

Isn’t life just one huge bucket list?  Every day we have some sort of bucket we have to carry or take something from.  Like today, my bucket list consisted of talking to roofers, unloading the dishwasher, reading the paper and news reports online.  Charging my phone, going to a meeting – no two, and fixing chicken fajitas for dinner.  But it also included talking to my daughters about their days over the phone, listening to a friend’s predicament – just listening, chatting over dinner with my husband, drinking some very good wine and reading a chapter or two in a great book.  Also watching a hawk soar and dive in the sky right outside my back window.  So, yeah, my bucket list fell over.  I suppose at the end of every day my bucket list falls over.  And I’m pretty glad that it does.  Because the next day it’s empty and ready to be filled again.

Flying Forward

Grandma Berry Plane

I’m on the slippery slope side of 60 years old.  Yeah, I can’t believe it either.  So, basically, I have been a part of this crazy beautiful planet for over half a century by a decade.  How did that happen?  No, wait…HOW DID THAT HAPPEN!!!???

There are way too many things on my proverbial bucket list that I still want to do.  So many things that I have not accomplished.  And projects sitting either in a closet, file, or staring me in the face in the corner of our dining room.  Places yet to go, movies to see, books to read, and even books to write!

I only hope that I have the time and wherewithal to continue with these and other quests.  I am quite looking forward to the future.  And I won’t look back. I will not regret.  Period.

In Googling the word ‘regret’ the very first line that comes up is a definition;  “To feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity.”  Damn, that’s harsh. The very word regret is harsh.

I refuse to dwell on “missed opportunities.”  I refuse to feel sad.  I refuse to regret.

Oh, sure I have screwed up a lot of things in my life.  I have caused pain, and all kinds of hurt feelings I’m sure.  To friends, coworkers, acquaintances.  To my family, which is the hardest kind of regret to ignore. I have felt awful, terrible during those times.  It’s as if I was hit below the belt, bent over, and knocked unconscious to the ground. But hopefully at those times I am the type of person that is able to stand back up, dust myself off, and who knows, even learn something about myself that is ugly and unjust. And rip that ugliness out.  Gone.

And then, there are those embarrassing moments that can be regretted. Those awkward and almost funny times when I have said something really stupid or mean and didn’t even realize it until the words were out of my mouth.  We all have those times.  And yes, I regret them. But I don’t REGRET them in such a way that they keep popping up in my mind, haunting my thoughts, and causing me self-condemnation.  That I don’t need.  Gone.

The picture at the top of this post is of my Grandma Berry who I introduced in my very first blog entry for Donuts & Wine.  At the time of the picture I believe her name was Pet Hood instead of Pet Berry as she had not yet married my grandfather (which is another story in itself).  Pet was a very independent woman.  She raised three children basically on her own during the depression.  She was a character, curmudgeon, clown, and sage.  She was gold. 

In this picture Grandma is posed in front of a very old plane.  I believe the picture was taken sometime in the early 1920’s.  My grandma wasn’t a pilot.  I don’t even know if she ever flew in a plane. At the time of the picture planes were a novelty, a futuristic forward-thinking contraption. Grandma always looked forward. That’s why I love this picture.

Grandma had to look forward.  She had three reasons to do so.  But even years later, after her children were long-grown and gone she was still progressive.  She didn’t sit the world on fire but she gave her daughters, her grand-daughters, and her great-granddaughters those powerful character traits that made us want to always look forward.  She always said “there’s a reason your eyes are in the front and on your head.  Use your brain and always look forward, not behind.” 

Regrets?  Perhaps one of only a very few that I have would be that I didn’t get to know her better. I was about twenty years old myself when she died.  But what I do know is she’s there and in my mind she did get on that plane, eyes forward, brain on alert.  She flies along with her daughters and granddaughters.  And we are not looking back.

Year of Rediscovery

Image

“The Discovery” Josephine Wall, Artist

“Wine”

I am one of the forty-five percent of Americans that make New Year’s Resolutions.  Most of the time that is.  But this year my resolution is not to make one.  I never keep them.  And did you know that only 8% do keep them?  And who’s to say that they do keep them anyway?  Unless their resolution involves telling the truth, always, even on surveys.

Here are the top ten per StatisticsBrain.com:

NUMBER ONE – “Losing weight” (surprise!).  Being of the ordinary resolution-maker sort this one was always at the top of my list too.  And each and every year I have kept this resolution maybe two hours.  That in and of itself tells me not to waste my time (even if it isn’t a lot of wasted time).

NUMBER TWO – “Get organized.”  Having a Type A/OCD personality I did not have to make that resolution.  Probably better that I didn’t anyway.

NUMBER THREE – “Spend less, save more.” Not my strong suit, ask my husband.  I’m not even going to try.

NUMBER FOUR – “Enjoy life to the fullest.” That should just be a given.  It is instilled in my very being. That and “life’s too short.” It just is. So, enjoy while you can, period.

NUMBER FIVE –  “Stay fit and healthy.” Really? That kind of goes along with Number One doesn’t it?  I do realize that exercise goes hand in hand with losing weight usually.  And exercise can be one of the many demons that bother mankind.  But after I discovered how much I really enjoyed it, well, it needn’t be a resolution.

NUMBER SIX –  “Learn something new.” That seems to be all the rage right now.  There are several websites involving bucket lists.  Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman started it all with the movie.  Since then it seems everyone has a bucket list.  I haven’t yet ventured into the realm of securing one.  Seems like I have always had one without knowing it.  I refer to it as “Geez, I really want to do that!”  and then either I do it or I file it away somewhere in my mind to do later.  If I don’t well, it just wasn’t that important to me anyway.

NUMBER SEVEN – “Quit smoking.” Don’t, so not applicable.

NUMBER EIGHT – “Help others in their dreams.” I suppose that means help others with their dreams.  I hope.  Because if it means to help them in their dreams, I’m afraid I would be more of a hindrance than a help.  But if it is to help others, that is very noble. I’m afraid too noble for me to make a resolution to do it   I really do try to help others.  I’m not very good at it.  I try.  But I would never make it a point to add it to a NY’s resolution for myself.  That way I can protect those that I may try to help.

NUMBER NINE –  “Fall in love.”  Check.

NUMBER TEN –  “Spend more time with family.” Now that is one that I achieved this year without making it a resolution.  For years I had a job that I loved but it was pretty demanding.  I worked probably about an average of 60 to 70 hours a week.  There were times I missed out on a lot.  My daughters were older but that doesn’t matter   They are still great individuals and loads of fun to be around.  My husband who worked a lot when he was younger knew what I was going through, but still I missed being at home with him.  This year I rediscovered my family.  I know that there are people that for whatever reason are alone during the holidays and for that matter quite a bit of the time.  Their families are all gone as they grow old.  Or their friends and loved ones may live far away.  For whatever reason they do not have the privilege of being with those that they care about.  This resolution by default became a reality.  I am so glad, from the deepest fiber of my being, that it did.

So, did you make any resolutions?  If so, and you care to, share them here.  I don’t mind.  I also don’t mind if you fail to keep them. Be one of the other ninety-two percent.  Like me. It matters more that you face each new year, day, minute, with conviction.  Resolution or not.