Morning hon! How’s ur day?
For this 1st nanosecond of the day? A blank slate. I suppose ur n ur office.
Yep! I’ll c u around noon.
K. When u come up from downstairs, bring more toilet paper from r stash.
We still have some?
Yeah, but don’t tell any1.
Kids up yet?
Yes, they’re eating breakfast. They start class conferences soon. Thn I’m going n2 my office and catch up.
K, c u l8r.
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To: Charlotte Osgood
From: Health and Wellness, Blathers, Inc.
Subject: Covid 19 – New Protocol
Dear Associate,
In order to foster goodwill among our associates, we are requiring a mental wellness check every afternoon. To comply with this check, we ask that you email our corporate Health and Wellness division on a daily basis at 3 pm at this address, completing the following descriptive statements: (all statements involve the current time and date of your response)
- Your general health
- Your stress level from 0 to 10 – 10 being most stressed
- Your cheerfulness level from 0 to 10 – 10 being most cheerful
- Your temperature
- Number of contacts with other people – both in person and in virtual format
- Your current satisfaction involving your capability to cope – from 0 to 10 – 0 being desperation
- Your current satisfaction regarding ability to process work from 0 to 10 – 10 being highest satisfaction
Your Health and Wellness Team at Blathers, Inc. believe in our associates and understand that during these unprecedented times it is even more imperative that we reach out to each of you to let you know that your company cares. We understand that you are facing discomforting situations daily. We believe these daily stress checks will help to alleviate some of your anxiety.
We are there for you!
Your Health and Wellness Family from Blathers, Inc.
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You have a new instant message!
“Hi! Want to get together 2nite?”
“Sounds gr8! Susan! I’ll have to let u know though. Hubby is teleconferencing w/his buddies. They’re doing some kind of fantasy baseball thing. I knew he would find a way around the sports void going on right now! Anyway, we’re getting pizza for dinner, but not sure what time.
“K. I have my wine ready. It’s going to be nice outside so we can sit on our patios!”
“Yeah, I’m n! And so convenient! U can sit on yours and I can sit on mine!”
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“Charlotte, how are you today?”
“Oh, Roger. Sorry, I didn’t see you pop up.”
“Yeah, that’s the problem with virtual conferencing. Having your company passcode helps. I’m sorry, I thought you were online. I needed to talk to you about our promotion for the new product.”
“I am online. I just have to get use to you popping up on my computer at random times.”
“As you are aware, Charlotte, only between the hours of nine and five. The rest of the day is all yours. Now about that promotion. We need a report asap…”
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Mom, since I can’t come n while ur working, can u tell me where the fig cookies r?”
They’re n the pantry, 3rd shelf, bk behind the peanut butter.
Thanks, Mom.
Mom, Sam won’t quit burping. I’m replaying pt of Mrs. Compton’s algebra lesson and he keeps interrupting! It’s annoying!
Sam, stop burping. Ur bothering ur sister.
She 8 all the fig cookies. I’m just paying her bk.
Well, stop.
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Hon, why rnt u n the kitchen? Lunch? Remember?
My boss just gave me a deadline for this report I’m doing. I can’t eat.
I can bring something n 2 u.
No, thanks. I know u mean well, but u would start talking and time would get away. Just b sure the kids rnt killing each other and I’ll b grateful.
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Hey, babe, I think I hear the doorbell. The grocery delivery guy must b here. I’m under the gun right now. Can u get the groceries off the stoop?
Sorry, hon. No can do. I’m n the middle of a conference call w/my team.
K. I’ll ask the kids. They don’t put them up n the right plc so I’ll just ask them 2 leave them on the counter. Ice cream the exception, of course.
Sam, I want u and ur sister to get the groceries off the porch. Put the ice cream n the freezer and refrigerated stuff away. I’ll do the rest l8r.
K, Mom.
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Charlotte, do you have that report yet?
Just about done, Roger. It should be heading your way in about 10 minutes.
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Hon, did the kids put the groceries up? U must not have ordered much. I can’t recognize any new stuff n the pantry.
Where r the kids? They were told to put them on the counter, except for the cold stuff.
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That report, Charlotte. I need it now! The teleconference is getting ready to start.
On its way, Roger!
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Kids r confined to their rooms. Don’t ask.
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Here’s your report, Roger. Let me know if you have any questions.
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Hey, neighbor! Do you have any tp?
Hi, Edith! I don’t see you, just your empty chair.
Sorry. I forgot I had my phone on. I’m over here at the virtual assistant – Emily. Cecil just had it delivered and I thought I was talking to you from it. Anyway, do you have any toilet paper? If I could only borrow two rolls I promise I will pay you back. Hopefully tomorrow. There’s a rumor on the city’s awareness post saying the general store is expecting a shipment tomorrow.
Sure. I’ll have the kids set some on the porch.
Thanks! You’re a life saver.
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Babe, why can’t the kids lv their rooms? I need them to do something. I told Edith they wld set a couple of toilet paper rolls on the porch for her to pk up.
Crap! I didn’t…
Just a min. Edith’s txting me.
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Charlotte, there’s a bunch of what looks like melted ice cream…
Mom, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. My video gme went a little lnger than I thought.
Can I come out of my room now? I need to go to the bathroom.
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Charlotte, Callaway loved your report . But I need you to take that wellness quiz that Health and Wellness sent out. It was due about twenty minutes ago. Charlotte?
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Hon?
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Neighbor?
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Mom?
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Heyy, Ssusan!!! I decideed to haave that virrtual happpy our a little litttle lots sooner thaen wee planned. Anytm u wanntt join I’m here.
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911 – what’s your emergency?
I’m not sure. I’m at the park and there’s this lady sitting in the grass. She has a computer and is downing a bottle of wine while mumbling to herself. Something about reports, baseball, and ice cream…
Donuts & Wine 