Tag: face mask

Hello, Tessa!

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Hey, Allen! How’s it going?

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Great! How are you doing?

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I’m doing all right. Just a lot going on.

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I know. So… is everybody all right? I mean, there?

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Yeah. Why?

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You, uh… have your face mask on.

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Oh, that. Damn. I just came from the store. It’s gotten to the point that I get confused. It’s like—am  I in a… well… friendly environment? OR am I in enemy territory?

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Enemy territory?

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Yeah, I don’t mean, like, people are in the produce aisle hiding behind fake plants while they’re wearing combat helmets. I just mean, you know, things are crazy!

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Yeah, I get it.

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Where is everybody? I thought this was a mandatory meeting.

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It is. As was the meeting this morning at 10:00 a.m., the meeting at 11:30, then the lunch meeting. Yep, mandatory.

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Hey, Allen! Tessa! What’s up?

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Not much, Dan. What’s that behind you?

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That’s my background, boss. You like it?

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What is it? It looks like some kind of ship from outer space.

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Yeah, Tessa. It’s a new feature. It’s called Beam Me Up, Scotty. Where is everybody? Hey, I hear Newman wrote an OpEd for the paper. It’s called: Why a Pandemic Now?

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What does that mean, exactly?

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Well, Allen, I guess he’s pissed. His wedding is on hold, his cruise is on hold, and his sewer backed up costing him a fortune.

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What’s his sewer got to do with anything?

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Nothing, Tessa. He’s just pissed so he’s blaming everything that’s happening on the present situation.

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They’re not printing his article, are they?

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Yeah, Allen, I guess they are. The paper said they needed a different slant on all the bad news. I don’t think HE meant for the column to be funny, but the editors thought it was a scream.

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That’s great. All the shit going on right now and Newman is complaining about his sewer and a cruise he can’t take.

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Well, Tessa, you might do the same if—

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Hey, you guys! Where is everybody?

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Hey, Heather. See you made it back in to work, today.

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What are you talking about, Dan?

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Well, last night at Vanity Bar and Grill? You were a little… crazy.

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Okay everyone. I think we have enough staff to start the meeting. Dan, do you have those numbers—

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Hey everybody! How’s it going?

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Hello, Sam. We were just getting started.

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Hey, sorry. I had a meeting that went a little longer than it should have. Have I missed anything?

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Just the fact that Heather is here after—

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Dan was about to—Dan? Where did he go? He literally just said something to you, Heather.

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I don’t know, Allen, but I think I see little green men going into his spaceship. Maybe he was abducted.

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Not funny, Tessa. Okay…  We’ll just move on. Tessa, please report on your findings regarding—

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Well, Allen, my most recent report indicates—

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Okay, okay, sorry. Wait, I’m not sorry. Jesus! Have you ever been in a conference with that guy Carter? He’s from the Omaha office. He can drone on and on…

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Hello Matt. We were just going over Tessa’s report. Tessa? Can you continue?

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I don’t have a copy of the agenda. You never sent it to me. Wait, found it! Sorry, I threw it in the Amalgamated Products File – that agenda was lame.

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Tessa, for some reason you’ve changed over to mute. No one can hear you. I’m pointing to the mute button, do you understand?

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Sorry Allen, I haven’t eaten since this morning with all these meetings. My brain is a little foggy. Can you hear me now? I hear some kind of smacking noises.

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Sorry, I was hungry. Dashed over to the cabinet and got some chips. We can eat during this meeting, can’t we Allen. You’re not one of those virtual overlords, are you?

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Dan, can you stop making those smacking noises? They’re gross!

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Where’s Tessa?

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Sorry, I grabbed a protein bar out of the cabinet. Dan’s making me hungry with his chips.

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Dan, you’re back. Can we go back to your numbers on the… Cynthia, when did you load in? Is that a cat?

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Yes! This is Horatio! Say hi Horatio!

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Cynthia, please stop waving the cat’s paw and put him down for a minute.

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OMG! Who’s that?

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What? What? What?

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Did anyone just see that Chat Box text? The one that says it’s time to party?

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Wait! Did you see that? Who is that guy?

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I don’t know, but what is he wearing?

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A mask. A real honest to goodness mask! Like Batman or something! And a cape!

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Okay, okay.  Apparently, we’ve been Virtually Bombed. Hey, whoever you are, you need to leave.

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I’ve got this, Allen. Just give me a second, dude. I have my mouth full of chips. There… –Hey, fella, I just took your photo. You’re toast. I just happen to have advanced face recognition skills on this baby.

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Sorry, Allen, I have to get the door. There’s a package of frozen tilapia from that really good market along the coast and if I don’t get it—

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Go ahead, Matt. Get your tilapia.

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Dan! I’ve made you a sandwich!

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You’re living with your mom?

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Yeah, why, Heather?

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So, that’s why you left Vanity early. Your mom gave you a curfew!

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That’s not why I left early. I had an early morning today. Needed to be at about two dozen meetings starting at 7 am.

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Is that someone cutting your hair, Sam?

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Yeah, I asked my hairdresser to stop by. Sorry, Allen, I had to grab an appointment with her whenever I could. She’s really popular right now.

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Okay. We were discussing Dan’s numbers. And Tessa, you are up after Dan with your report. Heather, are you on another meeting right now?

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Umm. Not sure what you mean, Allen.

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You have one of those decorative mirrors behind you. I can see your propped up I-Pad.

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Oh, that? You’re right. That’s just a meeting for “Marvelous Yummy Gourmet.”

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“For what?”

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Marvelous Yummy Gourmet! Geez! Don’t tell me you haven’t heard of them? They are only the fastest growing prepared food product distributorships in the whole world! I’m a dealer. I have parties? So, we are having our weekly regional meeting right now and—

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Shut it down.

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Shut it down? Allen, I can’t just leave my team hanging!

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Heather, close your I-Pad now or—Whoever is sitting right by a train right now, can you mute your computer?

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Oh, sorry it’s me! I just moved and I live by trtpgbmlkjwzx…

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Okay, I can’t understand anything you’re saying. Mute your button, man!

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Hey, Allen? I have another meeting in about five minutes. Can we speed this up?

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Yeah, me too, Allen.

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Allen, my mom thinks you’re cute.

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Okay. Let’s reschedule.